Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:

What I want to know is, what's with these Minutemen? Shouldn't that be MinutePERSONS, or is this some kind of male support group thing.

If the latter is the case, does Oprah know? What about the Center For Disease Control? I mean, we already have a pandemic of TWOMINUTEmen--what's next, HALFMINUTEmen?

Is Bush behind them, or are they behind him?

Is there a drug you can take to prevent becoming a MINUTEman, and, if so, can you mix it with scotch?

Please, Miss Lonelyhearts, I need answers. If a guy comes up to me on the street and says: "Hey, got a minute?"--I want to know if that's some kind of secret sex code.

I read your column every day and hope you can help. My girlfriend piles enough guilt on me now, I don't think I could handle anymore.

Peter Buknatski
Montpelier, VT.